You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
