NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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