I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
