Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You took a bar mat shot.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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