I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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