Little spoons don't ask big questions
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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