Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
