i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
someone owes me an orgasm
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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