The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
