Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize