there's paper in my vomit.
I could make wine with my vomit
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i out mim tonsoeep
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