Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
