I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
