I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
