There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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