Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize