I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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