I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
