If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
