my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
