Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
