I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
