life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
