i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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