Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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