i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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