you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
