I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
