literally had 100 drinks last night.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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