Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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