I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
