I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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