Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
