you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
