Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
