I hate all girls vehemently.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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