No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
