This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I look better un-naked...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize