It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
