just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
