What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
mondays should just be called national damage control day
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
