I think i sorta joined a cult last night
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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