OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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