batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
