I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
