Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
