But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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