well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
