i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
