Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
