Your face is a jimmy john
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
