You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
