I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
