My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Farmville is her only friend.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
