Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
