Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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