I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
