After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I deserve this hangover.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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