we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
