All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
