u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize