Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
