It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
