one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
