Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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