Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
