mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
