i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
