i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize